I don’t really know how to even reply to this but thank you so much for saying this. You’re too kind and I love you. ♡♡
Amanda Palmer dramatically whispering “what the fuck is up with this shit” has been playing in my head like 32% of this day
what i call “blogging” is mostly just me sharing one nervous breakdown after another with mostly indifferent people
I just………………………….. Muse???!?!?!!??
I was listening to BHaR earlier while writing and it sounded different, more grand and god-like and stuff and then it came to Hoodoo and I think I cried a bit even though that song has never meant that much to me. It is a beautiful song.
And I remembered that I own the HAARP dvd and suddenly wanted to watch that song live and so I did and it’s a gorgeous performance, really. I haven’t really watched HAARP in a long time - it might be over a year which is basically crazy if you think about how many times I’ve watched it in my life. And I listened to a few other songs, just jumping to my favourites basically, and just………… I got sad and happy and I kinda cried and laughed and…….
and you know, I was 14 when I really got into Muse, and got into music for the first time, too. It was 2010 and HAARP was the second thing of theirs that I bought (after The Resistance, which was in fact the first cd I ever bought (?? weird). I watched that performance so many times that summer. I was depressed at the time and the whole summer I basically sat in my room, wrote things, read books and listened to Muse really loud, and I watched HAARP. I think I literally watched it like every day. It was something that made me happy. And cry too, sometimes, but mostly happy. I had an unhealthy addiction to it, I think. I got actual withdrawal symptoms when I had to live without Muse for 10 days because of a confirmation camp to where I was forced to go (and it didn’t help at all that Muse was actually playing in Helsinki during that camp, like 100 km away - so close and still so far away).
It’s been three years now? And i haven’t really watched it in a long time but I think i still know every frame from that dvd by heart. So weird. I think I’m going to watch the whole thing tonight. I just had to take a break because I got so emotional. I’m a bit sad now but still happy because I’m not that person who was watching it manically three years ago anymore. She’s gone but I’m here and I’m a lot better than she was.
do you ever just think about the fact
that when Grantaire dies
Victor Hugo says he’s been hit by a coup de foudre
and in english we read that as him being struck down by lightning (in the penguin translation it just says he falls at enjolras’ feet) but
eugh coup de foudre is a euPHAMISM FOR LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
I’ve had recurring nightmares that I was loved for who I am, and missed the opportunity to be a better man.
— Jane Austen, Emma (via larmoyante)